Fertility Update...

I know I talked earlier about the fertility treatments that we have been going through in trying to add to our little family. I should have mentioned before now, but it's been quite an emotional summer. We had two months of artificial insemination. The first one obviously did not take & we were a bit disappointed but ready to try again the second month. With all of this comes a ton of monitoring, exams, & blood work. They began to know me by name as soon as I walked in the door at the lab. Because of the blood work, they could monitor my levels and know about a pregnancy much sooner than usual. So when my results came back with a negative but bordering on a positive, they wanted me to get checked again two days later. The progesterone levels should be doubling every 48 hours or so. So I went back in two days later. Then we have to wait several hours to get the phone call with the results. It came back positive! But, she said, the numbers of the levels are not as high as they'd like to see them. So I had to go back in two days later for another blood test....only to get the same result. The numbers were saying I was pregnant but we didn't know if we could get excited or not. My numbers kept going up, just slowly, and I was spotting a bit. They began to tell us not to get our hopes up. That it was either a chemical pregnancy or more likely it was acting like an ectopic or tubal pregnancy, which would mean an early miscarriage or possibly surgery for removal. I remember well sitting on the exam table that day. I'm so glad Derek had come with and that we had left Ashlyn with a sitter. My sweet husband still was looking for the positive and not wanting to give up hope. This went on for two of the longest weeks of our lives. I was finally pregnant, we had been waiting for this, and yet we couldn't get excited. At the same time, we wanted to rejoice & send positive vibes & feelings in the hopes that they were wrong and by some miracle this tiny being might grow & be strong. It just sucked!


This was all in June. We were packing & getting ready to go up to Utah for a couple weeks over the 4th of July. I had an appointment for an exam on Wednesday and would be driving up on Thursday. At my exam that morning, we quickly learned that the pregnancy had "resolved itself". "Resolved itself".... I hate that term now. We had indeed had an early miscarriage within the past few days. Feeling a bit relieved that the emotional roller coaster was coming to a halt and also incredible sadness for what could have been. We wondered what we were waiting for, went home to pack up, and headed off to Utah that night. It was a bit therapeutic to be around family & loved ones during that time and to keep busy.

We decided to take a couple months break from the baby stuff and just take time to regroup after being so emotionally drained. Anyone whose gone through this knows how discouraging it can be when your monthly visitor shows up & it is not only miserable in itself, but it is one more reminder, month after month, that you are still not pregnant. Wow, this was really not meant to be a pity party. I just wanted to make sure it was added to our family history.

So we are doing pretty well. Time makes things easier. Now we're facing the decision of what to do next. We have a few options & will see what becomes of it all. In the mean time, we did what we enjoy and started looking at vacation options. Thought it would be good for us to regroup & reconnect. We began talking and looking at going in December. Somehow, December turned into September and the next thing you know, we are already back from a week spent on Maui.

Lesson Learned: It's great to step back and take a break from your problems, but they'll still be there waiting for you when you return. The hope is that you can look at them from a refreshed perspective...